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Here-a-Vlog, There-a-Vlog...

Vlog #19: … And It Was Good. from Steph Dilts on Vimeo.

I'm Meh.

New vlog tomorrow.

Until then, here’s some more music that more than makes up for my lack of Internet action.

Frightened Rabbit. You will love them, or I’ll eat my plaid hat. Not really, though. Why murder a hat over your bad taste? Ah ha. I’m kidding. Seriously, though. Love them, please.

Since I Can't Vlog This Week...

I figured I should post something that will suffice. So, here you go.

Boo!

Vlog #18: I Vlogged Before The Internet Existed from Steph Dilts on Vimeo.

I Have This Problem...

There’s so much going on up here *points to head*, I scare myself.

I over-analyze everything. So, when I notice patterns beginning to form, I’ll be the first to run, but only in a sense. While I’m running, I trip, I fall, and I end up bloody and lying on the ground. Then I stand up and do it again, and again, and again, until, whether or not it was true to begin with, the outcome I predict happens.

I’m tired of beating myself up. If, for once, I could just say, “fine”, and trust someone for a change, it could be nice.

At the same time, I feel someone needs to earn my trust. You kiddies… You take trust, and manipulate it. You find a way to twist the illogical thinking and made up truths to the point where I can’t even argue. I just lie down. You talk, and you talk, and you talk, and I stare blankly. What is the point of arguing? What benefit do I get from it? I get nothing. Congratulations. You have superior debating skills. You can shut down any of my ideas because I don’t carry a thesaurus in my back pocket. Feel amazing. Feel entirely content and satisfied in knowing that your repetitive, constant, round-a-bout argument has once again allowed you to achieve a point. But where, exactly, has it left me?

If I knew where I was with these situations, I probably wouldn’t be in these situations. But I am. Constantly. Even if they aren’t there, I’ll make sure I include them in my life somehow. I hate routine. Routine will be the death of me. I would be fine with a positive change, but I only see the negative. I guess I feel that if I can embrace it before it becomes a huge problem, I can fix it. I never fix it. Fixing it is too much effort.

Nope, I’m fine just lying here with my bruised elbows and bloody knees. I don’t expect you to understand this, either.

Don’t worry, kids. Someday, these blogs will form lyrics, and those lyrics will help me tell you how I’m feeling today, or any day. For now, they’ll be the confused clutter of words you see here, strung together in a way that keeps you guessing just what I’m thinking.

Oh, and I’m vlogging tomorrow.

Steph